The question of whether to use the pronoun “who” or “whom” is often a struggle. While there is a shortcut I learned in middle school, let’s take a look at the grammar rule first.
There are a few who say “whom” is an old school word that may nearly be shelved, but I still believe learning the grammar rules between “who” and “whom” is relevant, so here we go.
Subject or Object of the Verb?
When determining the use of “who” or “whom” you must determine the subject of a verb because “who” is always the subject of a verb and “whom” can be correctly used as the direct object or indirect object, but never the subject, of the verb.
Sentence’s Subject = The person/thing doing the action.
Sentence’s Direct Object = The direct recipient of an action. A direct object answers the question “What?”
Sentence’s Indirect Object = The indirect object is the recipient of the direct object. An indirect object answers the question “To whom?” or “For whom?”
If you can determine the subject, direct and/or indirect object of a sentence it makes “who” vs. “whom” a straightforward task:
Use “who” when referring to the subject of a sentence.
Use “whom” when referring to the direct or indirect object of a sentence.
Examples using “Who”
Forget the glasses, who styled your awesome hair?
“Who” is the subject of the verb styled.
She wondered who may have sent the flowers.
“Who” is the subject of the verb sent.
Examples using “Whom”
Samantha is the momma whom I went running with this year.
Samantha is not the subject of the sentence, I am. Poor girl, I made her go running with me. It wasn’t pretty.
They chose the woman whom they saw take the lead.
The woman is the object they saw.
Whom do you love?
“You” is the subject of the verb “love” in this sentence. The object of the sentence is the infamous “whom” the guy loves because it does NOT appear to be this girl.
Shortcut – Substitute “He/She” or “Him/Her”
Using the same sentences above, let’s check our work by seeing whether “he/she or him/her” applies. A visual clue that works is the “m” in HIM matches the “m” in WHOM; of course, you’ll also need to remember that him = her for some sentences to apply.
1. Forget the glasses, who styled your awesome hair?
Who styled his hair? He/She or Him/Her?
2. She wondered who may have sent the sunflowers.
Who sent the flowers? He/She or Him/Her?
3. Samantha is the momma whom I went running with this year.
Whom did I go running with this year? He/She or Him/Her?
4. They chose the woman whom they saw take the lead.
Whom did they choose? He/She or Him/Her?
5. Whom do you love?
Whom does he love? He/She or Him/Her?
Another hint I read at Grammar Monster was to always use whom after a preposition (words like to, with, by, on, in, near).
Do you struggle with “who” vs “whom”? How do you remember it best?
I am not a grammarian, but I did spend a good amount of time reading up on “who” vs. “whom” before writing this post. That said, I am happy to have any errors corrected, and will gladly edit any incorrect content.
Heather Sanders is a leading homeschooling journalist who inspires homeschooling families across the nation. Married to Jeff, Heather lives in the East Texas Piney Woods and homeschools her three children, Emelie, Meredith and Kenny.