We have all experienced it; that moment of teaching when we know a child does not understand the concept, or does not know the answer, yet refuses to admit it.
They may say, “I knew that. I just didn’t want to say it”, “You didn’t give me time to finish.”, or “I was just joking.”, but as facilitators of their learning, we know better. We see straight through their words–most likely because we have been in their very same shoes.
Of course, as a 42-year-old, I’m more proficient at hiding what I don’t know under the guise of confusion or misunderstanding, but when I remind myself that it’s my job to lead by example, it becomes increasingly more obvious I need simply to let my guard down and say, “I didn’t know that. Show me.”, or “I have no clue. Let’s figure it out together.”
I am not the first to recognize that the older I get, the less I know. Bob Dylan said, “I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know.”, but I can’t even honestly cling to that as truth. There are days when one of my kids will share an interesting fact they learned in their studies, and I know it wasn’t something I’ve forgotten, but rather, information I never knew.
In other words, there is more out there for me to learn!
So, how do we extend grace to our children when they “know it all”, but at the same time, open their mind to further learning?
1. Lead by example. The Greek Philosopher Epictetus wrote, “If a man would pursue Philosophy, his first task is to throw away conceit. For it is impossible for a man to begin to learn what he has a conceit that he already knows.”
To model a life of learning, Epictetus suggests we must first throw away conceit; excessive pride in oneself.
Dispense with pride.
Ouch.
The more popular variant of that quote is “It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.”
As my children’s educator, I feel more comfortable teaching in areas where my skill-set is strong, which is natural, I imagine. When the kids and I launch into subjects where I struggle, it is an uncomfortable place to be; in fact, facilitating learning is much, much more difficult for me than teaching. I chalk this up to my own pride. I like being “in the know,” so to speak.
Since reading that quote, I’ve thought through my desire to be “in the know” and I must acknowledge two things. First, that the unknown is not as secure a place to be when my children’s education is on the line; and second, once I think I know something, my pattern is to get lazy about it. I move on to a different subject. I don’t explore the heights and depths of it because “I already know that.”
That mindset impedes my further learning, and it is contagious.
If our kids watch us reach the end of our attempts to learn, they may look forward to the day when they will have “learned it all” too.
2. Recognize it without encouraging it. Some things are straightforward. There is a right and wrong answer; for instance, 3×3=9.
Now, I write this, but some Math genius will jump in and explain why it could be 11, 13, or any endless amount of answers, right? But, just stay with me–for the sake of basic multiplication, the answer is 9.
If my kids gave the answer as 11, and then responded, “I knew that. I was just testing you, Momma.” after I corrected them, I would recognize they were too prideful to admit they were wrong. So, where do I go from there? Do I say, “Of course you did because you’re so smart!”, or do I just give them a look that says, “Yeah right, buddie. You can’t fool me.”
You’ll love this. I DO NOT KNOW.
One thing I do know is that the needed approach will be different for each child.
At some point kids need to recognize and voice what they do not know, understand or remember. Then, they can wrap their minds around the fact that there will always be something to learn. There is no better time than right now to start recognizing this bold, perpetual truth in small ways.
3. Let them be the teacher without showing them up. Oh, this is a tough one for me because I do it without even realizing it. Let me give an example.
This past year Meredith was fascinated with what she was learning about our skin and all its amazing protective properties. One particular day, she was interested in the way our skin works to maintain our body’s temperature.
I watched her animated face, listened to several passages she read from her text, and then, with my mind fully engaged, I swept in to grace her with my own body of knowledge regarding what I knew about our body’s largest organ. Before long I looked up to see Meredith wearing a very different look on her face. Gone was the excitement, and in its place was the “Really, Momma?” expression.
Anyone else know that face in your own children? It looks like boredom mated with frustration.
In seconds–okay fine, minutes, I stifled her excitement. Trying to remedy the situation, I stopped and asked what else she had learned, but apparently, while I was caught up in my reverie, I stole some of her material. Uggh.
I’m sure there are many more examples of times I have stolen my kids’ opportunities to be teachers, but I’m working to be cognizant of it because I know how awesome it feels to learn something new, or to extend my learning, and then, be able to share it with someone else. I also know what it feels like to share it, and have that person one-up what I learned–making it less significant.
Also? When we teach ourselves, we learn; plain and simple.
Of course, this all takes time and patience, which is almost as difficult to come by as being quiet. HA!
Another Epictetus quote: “No thing great is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.”
In other words, don’t pick at it. Plant it, water it, fertilize it, expose it to the light, but then step back and LET IT BEAR FRUIT AND RIPEN.
What are your thoughts? Does this sound familiar? What did I miss? How else can we bypass the “know it all” attitude and extend the importance of humility in learning?
Heather Sanders is a leading homeschooling journalist who inspires homeschooling families to live, love and learn. Married to Jeff, Heather lives in the East Texas Piney Woods where she currently home schools two of her three kids.